I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
