The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
