I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
