i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
