I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
