whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
