Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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