I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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