he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
