i think my tv is drunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
