look no pants
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
