just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
