dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
