What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
