Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize