Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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