You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
