and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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