Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
