Pregnant stripper...not hot.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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