wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
