i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
