I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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