Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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