You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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