I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
