I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
