Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
