Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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