White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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