Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
40s are totally the cure
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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