Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
