why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
