Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
