thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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