I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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