Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
