I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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