It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize