you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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