Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
