drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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