Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
