dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
