i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
