so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
