I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My bed smells like the plague
I love you.
Bad choice
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