This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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