Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize