first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
