How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
