She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
