grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
