Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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