Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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