Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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