I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
