Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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