end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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