He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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