Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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