i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
