I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
