If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
