i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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