dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
