I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
me + whiskey = a bad person
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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