Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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