Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
