apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
