First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
