he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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