How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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