So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
