Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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