This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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