standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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