I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
