He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
