yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
