U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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